When you hear the word "God" what do you think of? Maybe you are a religious person and your mind immediately goes to the entity that you believe in. Maybe you were brought up in a household where religion was instigated harshly and it left a nasty taste in your mouth. Maybe the word "God" doesn't spark any sort of emotion or memory or feeling. That's okay too.
I have been spending a lot of time recently studying the Yamas and Niyamas of Yoga. Mainly because I am currently in my 200 hour teacher training, but also because I find them fascinating. The last Niyama or observance is Isvara-pranidhana. Isvara-pranidhana is "devotion to a higher power". This particular Niyama can be tricky. Mainly because it scares people away. It's often said that yoga is non-religious and when you hear this "devotion to higher power" stuff, what the heck, right? Sounds pretty religious to me! I, personally, am not a religious person. But I love yoga, and I love this Niyama, so I wanted to share my findings with the research that I have been doing.
Lets start with this idea of "higher power" or "god". Geez. God has always been a really sticky topic for me. I used to be really religious when I was younger. I definitely went through a period where I journal-ed to God and thought that I could reach him/her that way. Looking back on that time I don't think that it was silly, per se. I was just searching for something. I didn't know at that time what I was searching for, of course. At the end of that period (I was about 15 maybe?) my mother went to rehab for the first time. After that it was a downward spiral. "God" left a very nasty taste in my mouth and anger in my heart. I would go to AA meetings with my mother (Only because she asked me to. It wasn't voluntary.) and all these people would stand up and talk about how God saved them. They told these stories of how they fell to rock bottom and God was able to pull them back up out of the ashes. Hearing people talk like this about their God lit a fire in side of me. I thought it was bullshit. I thought why the hell are they (God) choosing to help these people but they won't help my mother? I was angry. My mother was a very religious person and she put a lot of trust in God to guide her in the right direction and out of the darkness that was her drinking. I could never understand how she put so much trust in something that she couldn't even prove was there, not to mention was leaving her to fight it alone. (I realized later that it wasn't God that was leaving her to fight it alone, but her family.)
It wasn't until after she died that I really got it. She surrendered completely to this higher power. Even though it didn't save her life she was content while here. Her beliefs and her courage to believe in something until the end kept her spirit burning bright until her last breath. I am sure that she had doubts in the end and even before. Who doesn't? But she endured in her beliefs and in her love of the "divine". I had a weird moment right after I received the news that she had passed away. I thought, "she is with God, she is okay." Crazy, right? After years of not believing and years of anger at this God that wasn't healing my mother, I was (no argument necessary) relieved that my mother was finally in his/her hands. The shock of that immediate and guttural reaction has stayed with me almost two years later. Since her death I have been searching for this "higher power" and what it means to me and why we are all so damn scared of it.
In my study the real breakthrough came when I let go of the notion of "god" and "heaven" and "hell" and focused more on the spirit. The spirit (or soul) is what is left after everything else is taken away from you. I also view the spirit as an energy. Have you ever had a moment when you lock eyes with a complete stranger and maybe you smile at each other? But even deeper, you connect with them? No words have to be shared. This feeling of connection that you felt with this stranger is (in a nut shell) what I believe in. Isvara-pranidhana is about "lack of separation" that happens when you practice yoga. It is actually the definition of Yoga. "Union". We spend all of our lives feeling separate. Your birth is the moment that you are separated from your mother and you become your own living and breathing organism. This feeling of separation is created by the ego. The ego tries to make it impossible for you to "let go, and let god". However, when you let go and give in to the notion of this "higher power" or "spirit" or "energy" you realize that everything in your life is already out of your control, so why not just ride the waves and enjoy yourself? Someone in class put it beautifully. He said: "When you look in someone's eyes it's not "you" and "me". It's "us". We are connected. We are the same."
It is this connection and this union that I feel with the entire universe that makes the idea of "higher power" so much easier for me. Sometimes I have to make myself rein it in so that I don't completely overwhelm myself. But on the other hand how liberating to know that at the end of the day these little things that we spend so much energy worrying about really don't matter! Yes, having money and a good credit score and a nice apartment make this time on earth a little easier, but does it make you happy? Some might say yes, but I don't think so. No matter how much money I have I know that I am in good hands. And like my mother did, I trust that the universe will guide me where I need to go.
Isavara-pranidhana makes me feel closer to everyone I encounter. It makes me empathetic and makes me pay attention. The way you look at a tree changes when you realize that the energy that makes that tree is the same energy that breaths air into your lungs. Is your mind blown yet? It's cool stuff! Not to mention incredibly powerful!
Thank you for taking the time to read this. Maybe next time you feel the wind breeze over your skin or a strangers gaze meets yours on the train you will think of Isvara-pranidhana and the energy that has already opted to take the reins of your life. You just need to sit back and enjoy the ride. "Surrender to the flow of the universe and recognize that there is energy at work beyond ourselves."
*I spell "God" with a capital G out of respect, that's all. Not meant to make any statements.
*Blog not meant to promote laziness. You still have say in your actions and life even if the path has already been bulldozed for you. If you have questions feel free to comment :)
*This Blog isn't meant to be preachy. I'm not saying that this is the true doctrine or anything like that. It is just what I believe and where my faith lies.
