The search for perfection

I don't know if it's a personality thing, or a human-being thing, but we think we have to set up a perfect space to meditate. We have to set up a perfect space to do yoga. We have been trained to relax only under certain conditions or in certain moods.

I have found that meditating is especially profound in situations or moods that are not perfect. If I am in a bad mood it may be harder for me to get to that place of stillness, but it also means that there is something that I really needed to let go of. I also feel that I need someone to guide me through meditation. It makes it a little easier.

Yet, today I simply sat with my thoughts. I reached a beautiful place where I could truly let go. I went in with constrictions and a migraine even, and now my migraine is gone. I feel peaceful and content. It makes me ask myself, why don't I do this more? I have a habit of being very hard on myself. I wonder and challenge myself by asking why I haven't gotten exactly where I want to be. Why do I not want to do yoga somedays? When will I stop missing my mom? So many questions.

The bottom line is that I may never have answers to those questions. I may always miss my mother, and sometimes not have as much energy as other days, and that's okay. If I keep coming back to my mat (or chair, or sidewalk, or wherever I am!) and back to my breath and back to the stillness that resides in me I will find that peace that I am looking for.


I read a beautiful quote today that really touched on some of the ideas here. It is by Pema Chondron

"Life is a good teacher and a good friend. Things are always in transition, if we could only realize it. Nothing ever sums itself up in the way that we like to dream about. The off-center, in-between state is an ideal situation, a situation in which we don’t get caught and we can open our hearts and minds beyond limit. It’s a very tender, nonaggressive, open-ended state of affairs.

"To stay with that shakiness—to stay with a broken heart, with a rumbling stomach, with the feeling of hopelessness and wanting to get revenge—that is the path of true awakening. Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic—this is the spiritual path. Getting the knack of catching ourselves, of gently and compassionately catching ourselves, is the path of the warrior. We catch ourselves one zillion times as once again, whether we like it or not, we harden into resentment, bitterness, righteous indignation— harden in any way, even into a sense of relief, a sense of inspiration." ~ Pema Chödrön